Relationships enrich our lives. It's good to have someone by our side. Someone who loves, appreciates, challenges and encourages us. But relationships also mean work. If this work is not done in a partnership, the enrichment often becomes a burden.
If there is a problem with communication, there is a problem with the partnership. Good communication with your partner doesn't mean discussing the shopping list together, managing everyday life or dealing with organisational matters. Good communication is open and deals with feelings, worries and fears - about yourself and the other person. If the exchange does not work at eye level, typical signs of a dissatisfied relationship follow. These are
- permanent bad mood,
- Excessive criticism of your partner,
- organisational issues in the foreground.
Do you recognise yourself?
Everything your partner does and says seems negative. We also speak of the principle of filtered perception. It then goes neither forwards nor backwards. The relationship is deadlocked.
So what to do?
Fireside chats. Fireside chats are needed. Imagine sitting in front of the fire with your partner. It's warm, you're drinking a glass of wine or something else - and you get talking. The focus is on the content of the conversation. And it is not of an organisational nature. It is about the feelings, worries and fears already mentioned. A fireside chat lasts one hour. Please not much longer so that it doesn't get out of hand. During this hour, everyone should be able to have their say and open their heart. Free from external stimuli. Mobile phones do not belong by the fireplace!
The fireside chat format - you can change the name to anything you like - is a simple and effective way to improve communication in relationships - and to create and strengthen a bond. It's about sharing, without blame or explanations. Compassion and understanding are catalysts for partnerships. I have used the format myself.
Conversations stabilise relationships in the long term. They are therefore needed regularly and continuously. I recommend at least once a month.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- What is going well?
- What do you like?
- What are you grateful for?
- Where did you feel strengthened?
- What would you have wished differently and why?
- What would you be happy about?
The questions will help you to structure a fireside chat. Sometimes an external stimulus can also help you. Let's have a chat.