If you think about it, Advent actually means arriving and preparing, it should be a time of reflection, of calm, of inner contemplation, of reflection. In everyday life, we see the opposite: everything has to be done quickly, as if there is no new year. People want to finish things off quickly, get something done so that they can go into Christmas and the new year with a clear conscience. And I think some people simply stress themselves out without needing to.
Christmas is based on old rituals, old customs. They have nothing to do with Christianity. It started with the Celts. We go into inner peace - and in our time it is also linked to the turn of the year. When it gets lighter again, when something new dawns, we naturally want to put many old things to one side, put them aside, put an end to them, so that we have a new chance to start afresh and gather strength.
Rituals are important in these times. Going to church is a ritual of continuity. It helps us to reflect, because Christmas has become a very commercialised festival. We are stressed out with Christmas presents. We are stressed about buying everything so that the dinner table is full to bursting and everyone is happy. The church offers continuity and peace.
Getting together with the family on Christmas Eve is also a ritual of continuity. These rituals bring or give us a sense of security, safety and a certain structure. They are very holistic because they usually address body, soul and spirit in equal measure. They reduce the pressure to make a decision, because it is clear: we always do it this way. You don't have to worry about Christmas Eve. They promote a sense of community, a sense of belonging, they also promote a feeling of trust. In a positive sense, they provide positive emotions.
There are many critical issues at Christmas: "Oh, we have to go here, we have to go to the family, we have to go to the other family and then we have to go there and then all the people come and then we have to eat for three days ..."
Perhaps Christmas is not the time to really address the issues. But the issues are there. That's why we could use the time of preparation for the arrival for precisely these unpleasant topics. To get them out of the world and to forgive. Otherwise the celebration will not be honest and peaceful. Even if I sweep issues under the carpet, they are still there.
Personally, I use New Year's Eve to forgive people. I sit down and think about the year and what happened to me and how. And then I forgive them in my mind. That's my personal forgiveness ritual. I also write down events that I am grateful for, that have enriched me. Because we tend to think more about the negative things and not the positive ones, which bring us joy and gratitude - and a positive vibration.
New Year's resolutions are good. But they should be realistic. If I've never done any sport and now suddenly resolve to go to the gym three days a week, I'll be out of it by February. They should be goals that I can incorporate into my everyday life. It's better to start a little smaller so that it becomes a habit than too much and it becomes overwhelming. Many people overestimate themselves and are completely unrealistic about their resources. Do a reality check with your habits. Less is more.
That's why it's better to make just two resolutions - and stick to them. If I stick to the two resolutions, I might add a third. That's better than writing five on the list and only getting through the year with one.
Pressure is not a good tool, but motivation is. For people who are very performance-motivated, pressure can be rather negative and lead to stress. By the way, I also recommend: take the low hanging fruits and not the ones that hang at the top, they are very tiring.
My three tips for the holidays are:
- Ask yourself what you need to be able to spend a peaceful and enjoyable Christmas.
- Think in advance about what you can do to organise this proactively and constructively.
- Create space for yourself. And, if possible, organise yourself so that you do your things early and not just on the 24th. By the way, that's a Sunday this year, just a reminder. You can't buy any presents on that day.
Dr Annelen Collatz also talks about this topic in her podcast "Find the core" - available at https://ac-campus.de/podcast/. The interview lasts 30 minutes.