This is certainly another thing that distinguishes a good coach from others: To be as impartial as possible when first meeting other people. And to gradually form a concrete picture. When someone comes to me, I don't make judgements. But I look and listen carefully. Based on my many years of experience, I make cautious initial assumptions about motives and personality style.
Basically, everyone, consciously or unconsciously, reveals something about themselves quite quickly. It could be walking up five floors to my practice instead of taking the lift. Is it just sporty or compulsive? Another example: someone is running late - is it really the traffic or is there an inner defence behind it? Or perhaps a certain topic is being addressed quickly? Children and family, for example, a hobby or a professional matter? For me, these are the key points where I enquire further. As a rule, this builds up an initial feeling of trust. And that's what I need - I first have to pay something into my client's "relationship account". So that I can then withdraw some of it again. Because one thing is certain, I become uncomfortable at some points during the coaching process.
Make assumptions and define stress factors
There are coachees who make it very clear with their whole attitude and certain statements: Don't talk to me about my issues! Interesting: This makes it relatively easy for me to develop an idea of my counterpart's personality style or motives. Boundaries should not be crossed, distance should be maintained. A first assumption: It could be the belief "Be independent of others". So far, quite positive at first. The belief becomes a stress factor if the demands placed on yourself are too high. One possible trigger: the limit of resilience was exceeded in childhood.
I take a particularly patient and cautious approach here, slowly feeling my way in order to sound out my options for working with the coachee. Admittedly, this is not always easy. What is needed now, above all, is a really well-positioned relationship credit. This is the only way to create a balanced relationship between autonomy and commitment in the long term - as the basis for the coach-coachee relationship.