by Ellen Lübke-Meier
Over a glass of wine, my husband's best friend told me that I was the least begrudging person he knew. What a lovely compliment! However, I have to admit, it's not entirely true ...
I recently visited one of my closest friends, Nadine, who lives in Cape Town. In an amazing city, but that's not what this is about. Nor is it about Charles, who comes to the house every Thursday as a cleaner and does all the housework. No, it's about Nadine's gift of being able to simply leave something lying around - for a whole week if need be! I'm actually envious of that.
There are days when I stumble over every crumb on the worktop at home, get upset when my boys don't wipe the shower dry, when plates are put on and not in the dishwasher. Just like at work, nothing can be allowed to pile up and has to be done immediately (!). I suffer, and the whole family suffers too. It doesn't go off without a fuss.
This little back story is necessary. Because with the issue of having the feeling that everything always has to be perfect, I did my second self-experiment at AC Campus. An intensive conversation with Dr Annelen Collatz, similar to the last time. And again her question about what I get out of it, yes, let's talk about it, being so obsessive on the road. It feels like it takes a few minutes before I find answers: Having life under control perhaps, keeping control?!
Interesting, now the psychologist is reaching her time limits. She says it's an issue that lies deeper and can't be resolved in just one session. Inwardly, I agree with her - it probably has a lot to do with times long past. But she can help me to go through life in a more relaxed way, she says. What follows is another light trance. I dutifully answer all the questions, feel wide awake and set off on a mental journey. This allows me to see myself from a healthy distance. To be honest, I don't know what happened. Just this much: when I say goodbye, I somehow feel lighter. Dr Collatz and I chat a bit about going out together sometime soon and she calls out to me: "Have fun writing about your experience today!" I pause for a moment, normally I would have promised her the article for the next day, and reply very calmly, "Thanks, but give me a bit of time!"